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大庄家娱乐城祝教师节快乐——教师节段子
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带起节奏,送来欢乐
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/ s, `& F2 ~# c6 w& ?) y今天是教师节,大家一起来发段子吧!" m. h5 W% E5 C4 e0 |
我先来!# { t9 e, t* F
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A说:“今天考试我交了白卷。”B说:“哎,我也交了白卷。”
& O- h) U9 K# ^# h% l; e同学A生气的说:“你怎么能交白卷呢,老师会以为我们抄袭的!”8 Y' A/ w1 V0 b) U! ?% L# W
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深夜,王老师批改完最后一份试卷,疲惫地拧开了收音机,想听音乐放松一下。收音机里传来了dj的声音:"xx中学高三级x班全班同学一同把这首歌奉献给他们敬爱的王xx老师听,感谢他多年来给他们出了无数道练习题(尤其是这年),使他们得到了宝贵的练习机会……"听到这,王老师的眼睛湿润了,心力交瘁的脸上露出一安慰的笑意。dj又继续说:"……现在就让我们一起来听这首歌,李惠敏的《你不会有好结果》…"6 ?; k: T0 E, I, X; I
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一位年轻女教师初次执教小学生美术课。她在黑板上画一个苹果问学生说:“这是什么呀?”学生异口同声回答:“是屁股。”女教师哭着去找校长,校长一听大怒,跟着老师来到教室训斥学生说:“你们越来越不像话了,为什么又把老师气哭了?”回头看了一看“啊!还在黑板上画了个屁股!” <span] 老师去吃自助餐] 昨天老妈教弟弟做作业,弟弟不动脑筋思考,
: d* M" `: L: P+ e! l) X每道题都问妈妈,妈妈怒了:“你每道题都不会,干脆我帮你做算了!”
$ w6 z9 r8 h5 {, R" W8 B' u; M, P弟弟淡淡地说:“不行!字迹不一样会被老师发现的!” <span] 考场上一女生抱怨说:“老师,天气太热了,风扇都没风!”谁料老师说:“别急,等会儿看到试卷你就心凉了。” <span] 一帅哥毕业后到一所女子学校任教,由于年轻的男老师级少,
- y6 _- |7 T" p4 [所以非常受欢迎。
8 O6 D2 K$ q6 j* Y6 L3 C第一堂课,有一位女学生忘记带课本,帅哥老师请她站起来,
( d2 P$ U3 m) A/ w# q问其他同学该怎么处罚。她们很有默契的齐声说:“老师亲她一个!”
w6 ?$ j" S1 D2 _% N大家等着看老师的反应。老师瞄了那位同学一眼,, d, x# Z6 Z4 T8 A
回答:“不可以处罚老师!” <span] 今天听见两个老师在讨论管理上课吃东西的事情说:4 Q+ T. e l9 S
有个学生老在我上课的时候偷吃瓜子,我毫不客气,见一次抓一次,一抓就是一大把!!!
" c" ?9 i9 r4 y0 z* {- b; q& r2 f& {! Q不知道是不是我的错,那个上课吃东西的学生,被我抓过几次,但最近一两个月都没看过他上课吃东西了,我整个人瘦了很多。 <span] 一小学教师,最近在学车却不怎么喜欢去练车,教练问:“为什么经常没来学车?”- S2 S; m: {" v! l$ m
她:“在学校都是我骂学生,来你这边老是被你骂,我很不爽!!!” <span] 上高中嘴馋,几个同学合计买烧烤吃,不想带回来的时候被班主任发现没收了,结果第二天班主任闹了一天的肚子。 <span] 生物老师非洲野猪5 T: H9 g& ?; A( p& k
生物老师正兴致勃勃在台上描述非洲野猪的长相,偶尔眼光一扫台下,竟发现多数学生在打瞌睡。8 D7 S& ^4 a% { ~
于是大为恼火,喝道:“你们要看着我啊!不看我,你们怎么知道非洲野猪长的是什么样子?” <span] 老师:小明,你的美劳作品太好了,明天学校要派你参加全市的比赛。
+ x) e- R0 F/ Z" B- a小明:不行( E3 I% F7 M5 y Q! M
老师:為什麼?( `" g7 {/ P7 @! F) Z
小明:劳作是我爸做的,他明天要上班 <span] 妈妈:小明,你看,妹妹考100分,你才50分
5 C+ x: F* ]/ `( i8 F5 F( p0 E小明:我是照你的话做的
' t* g7 ?1 s: S1 f6 K9 E$ e/ Z: H妈妈:我说了什麼?: F' G" _( r3 i* m3 u y- Y
小明:你说我只要有妹妹的一半就很好了 <span] 小外甥女刚上一年级,有次语文考试得了74分,& c# C- i; f# O2 m& Q- b
她拿成绩单回来的时候她爸妈很生气,5 t( w* H) ^% e
就问你为什么只考了74] 老师:“] 老师:现在上‘急救课’“先做口对口人工呼吸”“这样重复做,会怎样?” Q* m/ `- M6 L0 h; w/ D' T! |6 D' n
小明:有人会告你性骚扰 <span] 小明放学回到家就问:麻麻,你不说女人都喜欢被夸吗?1 C3 v; @+ Z) b6 U9 c2 b9 s: n
妈妈说:是啊,为什么这么问?, x! z! F7 n I3 J, J- v
小明沮丧着说:今天老师穿着超短裙来上课,我就夸老师,你的内裤好漂亮啊!
' Y" @+ Z" a) f& u9 N- a3 S7 Z/ n然后,老师就给我撵出去了!!!
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大家每人发一个关于教师段子在跟贴后面,一起用关于教师的笑话来庆祝伟大的教育工作者的节日。
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